Do you feel like the fire has gone out of your relationship?
If your man has stopped calling like he used to and want to see you as often as he used to, I know exactly how you feel. I know what it’s like to have a man pull back so that I’m starving for the cuddles he used to give me. I’ve seen him drift away from me -preferring to go to the gym, hang out with his friends, or even sit at the computer alone.
It would feel like the death of the relationship to me until I learned that these ebbs and flows are perfectly natural.
Why He Pulls Away
Drifting away is entirely natural for a man, even if he’s in love with you. It often happens just as his feelings are deepening for you. Falling in love can make him feel vulnerable, so he’ll try to pull back to not lose himself.
He’ll come in and go out – like a rubber band – while he works out his feelings and digs deeper to find his ability to go the distance in a real relationship.
But here’s the crucial part. How we handle things when a little bit of distance shows up can make all the difference in whether his rubber band comes back to you, or he goes all the way out, slips his rubber band away from you, and never really returns.
There’s a simple Tool to help you deal with the inevitable distance that will arise in a relationship and help bring him close to you again. I call it “Be His Anchor.”
How To Create Tension So He Snaps Back
“You have to anchor his rubber band. You have to keep the tension going and keep his attachment to you strong.”
First, you need to keep in mind that a man always pulls back a little and that it’s your job to be leaning back most of the time.
If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then you’re just letting the rubber band go slack. You’re making it impossible for him to bounce back to you. You’re eliminating the tension he needs to come back.
You have to anchor his rubber band. You have to keep the tension going and keep his attachment to you strong.
We women have been taught the exact opposite thing. We’ve been trained to move forward when he steps back. But when we do that, we lose our anchor position. It makes us feel powerless.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
That’s why I want you to start trying it out right now. Go ahead, put one foot behind the other, plant yourself, and lean back. Just relax your body in bits and pieces, breathe, and stay leaning back.
Imagine that you’re anchoring his rubber band and that you have to be strong to keep the tension going. You’ll also want to be strong so you don’t fall over when he comes back toward you and the tension disappears!