I’m Marrying My Long-Distance Boyfriend, Even Though I Know It’s Going To Be Hard

“So, you have my number. Text me.” I wink and turn to walk out the door with my friends into the humid Boston night. I can’t keep the grin off my face. I have a good feeling about this guy, and I just know this is going to be something.

I’ve lost count of how many times that scene played out for me. In my group of friends, I was always the one looking for a relationship. I wanted more than casual dating or a fling. I wanted the Holy Grail: unconditional love. Whether I met a guy in a bar, on the street, online, or through friends, I always thought it was going to become something. But it never did. From the time I was 18 until the time I was 28, none of these interactions never ended up leading to the great love that I was endlessly searching for.

When I finally found it, I thought my whole world was going to explode in hearts and rainbows and flowers, and for a time, it did. But I never expected that searching for love would be the easy part. It turned out keeping the love was more difficult than I ever expected.

 

My fiancé Greg and I met on Tinder when he was volunteering two years ago at the Boston marathon. We were attracted to each other right away, and after exchanging numbers, we began talking every day.

I soon learned that he didn’t live in Boston. In fact, he didn’t even live in Massachusetts. He actually lived in Manchester, Connecticut, about 15 minutes from Hartford. Well, I thought to myself. Nothing’s going to happen with a guy who lives an hour and a half away from me, so I might as well just enjoy it for now.

About a month after we began talking, I was headed to New York for a friend’s engagement party. At that point, I knew from our texting that we had a true connection, as our conversations had been getting progressively more substantial over the course of the month. I thought, Now’s my chance to meet Greg and see if there’s anything there. And he’s halfway between Massachusetts and New York, so I can take a break from driving! (Yes, a large part of why I visited was because he was on the way to somewhere I was already going.) So, I went down to visit him.

Ever since, Greg and I have taken turns to visit each other every weekend. We never discussed this arrangement. We both just seemed to operate under the assumption that we would visit each other every weekend until one of us was no longer interested. That never happened. It sounds like a lie, but it really was that easy.

4 main reasons why new relationships usually fail

1. Unrealistic expectations:

You are brokenhearted and cursed him for his new girlfriend … and now you expect from an unknown to fill your gaps! This cannot be done! Logic says that as expectations grow, each time you have to take a step ahead! Agreed, but at present this theory has no benefit to the following simple reason: It is not that man is a crap, is that you do not have realistic expectations! He is certainly not perfect, but may prove perfect for you! Of course most of the time it is difficult to discover simply because prior separation and once again you are brokenhearted and of course you think “All men are pigs!”

2. The… past:

Was he unfaithful? The Next guy  will do reindeer to learn! Or even worse, you will become so much … bastak, which he will ultimately fed up and will quit from you! We sincerely apologize, but one is this solution and has to do with you. Realize that each person is different, and that maybe out there is actually someone who wants to be with you! Not worth even one chance?

 

3. The blur of mind…:

Something else that you may have heard, is the fact that before you enter the process to make a new relationship, you should have cleared up with yourself, what you want and what you ask for! Usually, when the breakout is recent, our mind and our reactions are irrational! What better then to hang to a new acquaintance, to fall and make the same mistakes and worse! And you will stay alone again blaming men! So you first need to think and then to action.
4. The… misunderstandings:

For better or worse, and since most of social media have come for good in our lives, we can not imagine our life without them! Unfortunately, it is also responsible for several misunderstandings especially if you do not know him well! A song, a status and you may become furious and perhaps without no reason! When you do not know the other very well, misunderstandings will occur! So you need to be very careful with social media.

Things you should never be self-conscious about in a relationship

When you’re in a good relationship, you’re not worried about small things, or heck, even the medium-sized things turning into icebergs that send your romance plummeting downwards into its watery grave. But sometimes, even in a good relationship, you find yourself on shaky ground. Being open about things your self-conscious about can be scary, especially when you really like someone. Then there’s the chance your partner isn’t as tolerant as he or she should be, or that the dynamic you’ve established limits you both from opening up, completely.

It’s OK, you can totally work through those issues. But the first step is identifying what may feel out-of-bounds, and tackling those insecurities head-on. Here are a handful of things you should never worry about addressing in your relationship. Breaking through these issues may be hard at first, but they’ll only make you two stronger in the long run.

1)Getting into a fight

Whenever couples are like “We’ve NEVER had a fight,” I’m like “Good for you, you’re either the two most perfect people ever or you’re not talking about the stuff that needs to be talked about.” In a good relationship, you can pick your battles and you can fight them and it will be okay because none of the things you squabble about will be bigger than your love for one other. Just make sure the fights don’t get spiteful or truly mean. It’s OK to have a difference of opinion, but don’t try to take the other person down in the process.

2.)Your Body

Sometimes when I am standing in my underwear in front of the mirror and my husband is nearby, I have to actively force myself to not stare at my body with hate eyes because he loves my body/me and gets exasperated when I pick on myself like a middle school bully. Your person loves the way you look, that’s why they CHOSE you, so no self-loathing for you today, little missy!

3.)Bodily functions (you know what we’re talking about)

I remember reading teen magazines back in the day and there was like always a page about first date horror stories where the girl threw up on the guys shoes or audibly farted and the guy NEVER CALLED HER AGAIN. Which is so dumb, like, what, Random Dude, you have never experienced any of these bodily functions ever? Are you a Skynet Terminator, are you a Princess Leia hologram, what ARE you? In a good relationship, if your body does its thing, your sweetheart should laugh good-naturedly, and if your body really isn’t feeling up to snuff, your honey should take care of you, and that’s just the way it should be.

4.)Possessing an opinion

This is related to fighting, but it’s also its own separate thing. When you are in an awesome relationship you are allowed to rant and rave about the things you love and hate without being made to feel even one percent weird about it. This is why your sweetheart LIKES you, because you are so powerfully and specifically and undeniably YOU.

5.) Having a bad day

You have to lie to the barista at Starbucks and say you’re having a good day, you may have to tell your co-workers that everything is fine, but with your honey, you do not have to pretend like those cartoon storm clouds hanging over your head don’t, you know, exist.

6.) Failure

You feel the overwhelming pressure to be Wonder Woman in the eyes of the world and have an explanation/story/excuse for every personal and professional setback you’ve faced, but you don’t need to pull out the song and dance for your sweetheart. You’re allowed to feel sad and angry and frustrated and disappointed with this person. You’re allowed to talk about how you’re jealous of your friends or how you feel sorry for yourself. Your significant other should never make you feel like a failure, but you’re allowed to admit to this person when you feel like one.

9 Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through

Wondering what relationship stage you’re in right now? Here are the 9 relationship stages that all couples go through, no matter how the love starts. By Elizabeth Arthur

Relationships are unique.

And one experience of love is never ever the same.

You may have been in several relationships in your life, and all of them may have been very different from the earlier one.

But there are a few traits about every single relationship that binds all relationships along a similar path.

Relationship stages in your love life

Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation and goes through several stages along the way.And these stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other.Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall.

Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up a few years later?Perhaps, in all probability, they went wrong in one of these stages of the relationship

Stage #1 The infatuation stage

This is the first stage in every relationship. It almost always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with each other. Both of you may be intensely  attracted to each other, or both of you may just love the cuddles and each other’s company. In this stage, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on the good sides.

Stage #2 The understanding stage.

In this stage, both of you start getting to know each other better. You have long conversations with your partner that stretches late into the night, and everything about your partner interests and fascinates you. You talk about each other’s families, exes, likes and dislikes and other innocent secrets, and life seems so beautiful and romantic.

Stage #3 The stage of disturbances.

This stage usually forces its way into a happy romance after a few months of blissful courting. Do you remember the first fight or angry disagreement you and your partner had? For the first time ever in the relationship, both of you confront each other over a conflict, even though it’s sorted out quickly.

Stage #4 The opinion maker.

In this stage, both of you create opinions about each other. As the months pass by, both of you know what to expect from each other, and you make an assumption about your partner’s commitment towards the relationship.

When these opinions and expectations about your partner differ now and then in real life, it can either leave you ecstatic or depressed.

You don’t expect your man to buy you flowers, but he does. You feel ecstatic. At the same time, you expect him to pick you up from the airport on time. But he arrives an hour later because he forgot all about picking you up. It depresses you.

Stage #5 The moulding stage.

You have your own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mould each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship. This is a power struggle, and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering. 

Ready For A Ring? Find Out What Men Look for When Choosing A Wife

Believe it or not, women aren’t the only one’s with a checklist of traits they look for in a partner.  Although it may not be written down, men have a mental list of what they will and will not tolerate in a relationship as well.

Take a look at these traits men look for in a wife….

1. Honest communication

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and even volunteers information. They want a woman who can see the truth, stand up for themselves and tell it like it is.

2. Secure and Confident

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation.  Women tend to jump in and out of relationships more often than the opposite sex, because they crave attention and adoration.  In the same way, men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. It’s important that women have their own friends and interests.

Our Wedding Was Perfect… For Us

I recently married my live in boyfriend of five years. We had both been married before, (I had been married more than once) and we each had two children. I had a daughter who is 20 and a son who is 17, my husband had a son who is turning 19 next week, and a daughter who is 16. We had been living under one roof for four years, pretty happily actually. We had even gotten to the point (mostly) of just raising the kids as one family, not his or mine.

I’m not sure why we decided to get married instead of just continuing to raise our family. The kids really wanted us to, and I guess we wanted to seem as legitimate to the rest of the world as we already did to each other. I kind of thought we’d go to Vegas, but my husband really wanted to throw a party. He loves a party. He felt we should have a wedding. A real wedding, with music, and a ceremony, and the people we love.

A “real” wedding made me nervous. I was self conscious about getting married again. What would people say? Would they talk behind my back? Would they say mean things about me? Would they criticize me for having another wedding? Should I wear a gown? Was it appropriate? Yikes! So instead of focusing on having a “wedding,” we decided instead to focus on celebrating the family we had built together.

We began by deciding to have the wedding in our back yard. We rented a tent and all of the other stuff you need, but were careful to choose things that looked like we might own them. The florist, a good friend, used vases and framed photos from our house to add to the decorations. We stayed away from anything to “weddingy.” We chose things that made us happy. We didn’t have a theme.

7 Small but Sure Ways to Test His Interest …

If you’re confused about whether your crush returns your feelings, there are ways to test his interest. You don’t need to wait for him to ask you out. You can move the process along by doing a few simple things. These small ways to test his interest will hint that you like him, and give you an idea of how he feels.

1. Touch Test
One of the ways to test his interest consists of touching him and observing his reaction. If you’re sitting side by side, shift your position so that your knee or arm touches his. If he adjusts himself so that he’s no longer touching you, he might not be interested. If he doesn’t do anything about your proximity or moves even closer, that’s a good sign. People like their personal space, so if you’re invading his and he doesn’t mind, be relieved.

2. Don’t Miss Opportunities
Everyone responds to different comments in different ways. If you bring up something sensual, and he shies away from the subject, it means that he doesn’t want to be raunchy with you. If you text him that you miss him and he ignores the comment, he probably doesn’t feel the same. If you give a guy the opportunity to compliment you and he takes it, things are going well. Men can be shy, but if you push him enough and he doesn’t flirt, you should search for a new crush

How to Get a Man Back When You’ve Messed Up

Have you messed up with a man and now you’re freaking out wondering if you can get him back or not? As you start to recognize new things about yourself and the mistakes you’ve been making with a man, it’s very easy to start thinking that things are EVEN WORSE than you thought they were, and for this to freak you out more.

But don’t let this stop you from continuing to learn and grow.

There’s a funny thing that happens to us in life: It’s that any time you develop a new awareness and you start seeing your behavior in a new light, you first feel like kicking yourself.

But here is what doesn’t help: getting down on yourself, feeling overly frustrated and hopeless, and dwelling over the lack of CONTROL you have in your situation.

What does help is learning from your mistakes and realizing a few important things about men.

A Man’s Feelings Can Change Very Quickly
If the man you were dating pulled away after you said or did something, you need to remember that this man liked you and was attracted to you for some reason.

And as much as it might seem like his feelings have changed forever towards you, there’s something you should realize: A man’s feelings can change very quickly, whether you want them to or not.

Now… most women don’t handle this reality about men, dating, and relationships very well at all.

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