3. The selfish S.O.
A great romantic partner is generous and willing to indulge the occasional “ugh, today at work…” rant. If you get the sense that the person you’re seeing isn’t totally supportive, it’s a good idea to press pause on the relationship, said dating coach Jeffrey Platts.
“This is really about all forms of giving,” he said. “Is he generous with his compliments? Does she listen to you when you’re having a rough day? Overall, do you feel that he or she is your absolute biggest fan and cheerleader? And just as important as giving, are they able to pause and fully receive whatever you’re giving? If not, what’s the point? It takes healthy self-esteem to give or receive an expression of love or support openly — and you need that in a partner.”
4. The Critic.
You can’t seem to do or say anything right with this person. Ever. Your theory on what really happened in the “Serial” murder case? Implausible at best. Your unapologetic love for World of Warcraft? A total time-suck. The judgment is constant — and in the long-run, who wants to be in a relationship with someone that critical?
“Initially, their stubbornness and convictions might seem attractive — it’s hot when someone knows who they are and what they want,” said Julie Nguyen, a matchmaker at The Modern Love Club in New York City. “Those qualities start to turn ugly when you realize there’s no room for what you want. These critics demand things be done a certain way, their way. Real relationships are negotiated by compromise, empathy and the capacity to want to understand where the other person is coming from.”
5. The sidekick.
Anything and everything you propose gets the OK, from your plans for the weekend too when you’ll move in together. And time apart is virtually non-existent — you’re joined at the hip. You wanted a partner who’d be willing to compromise; not someone who sits on the sidelines and lets you take the lead on every decision, Nguyen said.
“Instead of delving inwards, this type of person intensely picks up your hobbies, follows your passions and does whatever you want to do,” she explained. “In the beginning, it’s easy and flattering to have someone like you without much effort. However, as the relationship progresses, it becomes unfulfilling when you start to realize there’s no challenge in the partnership because the other person has nothing else to offer. You need a partner, not a sidekick.”